Getting your message across in relationships is important in both your personal life and business life. It's the difference between moving boulders as a team, and moving pebbles on your own. Through getting your messages across you extend your reach, your power and ultimately your influence.
I have come up with a term I call the law of relatibility. Now 'relatibility' isn't technically a word (I know this because I keep getting the squiggly line underneath it in Microsoft word!) but I'm sure you can see that it derives from the word 'relatable'.
In my free eBook I illustrated this law in the sense of stories. Stories come and go on account of how relatable they are. We can't only draw distinctions between a good story and a bad story, because good stories have died and bad stories still live on. My theory is that it's how relatable they are, that is the sticking point.
So when you want to influence someone, for whatever reason, try to pre-empt how your 'influencee' (there's another made up word) will perceive what you're saying -- what is close to this person's heart? Try to filter your message through the medium that is relatable to that person.
If you have ever read the book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People you'll know that the key to influencing people is to empathise with them - a key attribute in emotional intelligence. If you want your son to quit smoking you tell him he won't be fit enough to get into the basketball team. NOT that smoking is, as a matter of fact, unhealthy - yada yada ad infinitum.
It's not my intention to regurgitate what Stephen Covey said in that book, but I'd like to develop the idea a little...
Let's have an example. You want to ask a friend if they will look after Kipper, your dog, for a holiday you have coming up. By noting that your friend also has a dog, it seems to you there would be no issues. Being a friend, they may be more than happy to look after Kipper -- after all, he gets along fine with their own dog. But this story demonstrates that 'relatable' doesn't necessarily mean, 'win-win'.
Which brings me onto my next point...
By communicating an idea that is both highly relatable and win-win, you can't lose-lose!
For the final nail in the coffin I want to give you an example where win-win doesn't necessarily mean win-win, and why relatibility is so important.
Let's say that you have a proposition for a friend at university that is win-win. You think to yourself, 'there's no way he can refuse this idea, it's just too good!'
"Chris, I have a proposition for you," you say. "There is a basketball competition coming up, and there are prizes all around. If you win the tournament you get a 4 week coaching session with Michael Jordan himself! But get this; all the losers get a signed basketball from Michael Jordan too. It's a win-win, what d'ya say?!'
Well, Chris isn't interested. Right now, he's studying for a Physics exam and he's got a lot of work to do. Besides, he was always more of a table tennis player himself.
2. It wasn't an area of importance in his life.
3. He didn't perceive the value in it - even though some people would die for that opportunity!
4. CRUCIAL POINT: Logically he could relate to it and perceive the value, but emotionally he couldn't.
For a final point, let's flip this story a little. There's been a change of plan; all the losers will now be given membership to the new physics lab.
I have come up with a term I call the law of relatibility. Now 'relatibility' isn't technically a word (I know this because I keep getting the squiggly line underneath it in Microsoft word!) but I'm sure you can see that it derives from the word 'relatable'.
Physics Drill for SPMB Unsoed
In my free eBook I illustrated this law in the sense of stories. Stories come and go on account of how relatable they are. We can't only draw distinctions between a good story and a bad story, because good stories have died and bad stories still live on. My theory is that it's how relatable they are, that is the sticking point.
So when you want to influence someone, for whatever reason, try to pre-empt how your 'influencee' (there's another made up word) will perceive what you're saying -- what is close to this person's heart? Try to filter your message through the medium that is relatable to that person.
If you have ever read the book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People you'll know that the key to influencing people is to empathise with them - a key attribute in emotional intelligence. If you want your son to quit smoking you tell him he won't be fit enough to get into the basketball team. NOT that smoking is, as a matter of fact, unhealthy - yada yada ad infinitum.
It's not my intention to regurgitate what Stephen Covey said in that book, but I'd like to develop the idea a little...
Let's have an example. You want to ask a friend if they will look after Kipper, your dog, for a holiday you have coming up. By noting that your friend also has a dog, it seems to you there would be no issues. Being a friend, they may be more than happy to look after Kipper -- after all, he gets along fine with their own dog. But this story demonstrates that 'relatable' doesn't necessarily mean, 'win-win'.
Which brings me onto my next point...
By communicating an idea that is both highly relatable and win-win, you can't lose-lose!
For the final nail in the coffin I want to give you an example where win-win doesn't necessarily mean win-win, and why relatibility is so important.
Let's say that you have a proposition for a friend at university that is win-win. You think to yourself, 'there's no way he can refuse this idea, it's just too good!'
"Chris, I have a proposition for you," you say. "There is a basketball competition coming up, and there are prizes all around. If you win the tournament you get a 4 week coaching session with Michael Jordan himself! But get this; all the losers get a signed basketball from Michael Jordan too. It's a win-win, what d'ya say?!'
Well, Chris isn't interested. Right now, he's studying for a Physics exam and he's got a lot of work to do. Besides, he was always more of a table tennis player himself.
2. It wasn't an area of importance in his life.
3. He didn't perceive the value in it - even though some people would die for that opportunity!
4. CRUCIAL POINT: Logically he could relate to it and perceive the value, but emotionally he couldn't.
For a final point, let's flip this story a little. There's been a change of plan; all the losers will now be given membership to the new physics lab.
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